Loved the weird, black-and-white opening and your hook.... that's pretty good advice! Your premise was clear and I thought you had a great line when you asked, "Can a vampire teach a witch how to be a witch?" — that was my favourite part by far. What a strange scenario you've created for your MC! Congrats on your video pitch and good luck!
I love the title! However, if you can edit this blog post you should make sure to put the name, the genre and the wordcount above the video because it's a requirement of the contest, and it would've helped me have a better frame of reference when the pitch started. Good luck! #26
Gotta love witches! Looks like a pretty interesting story--magic, spellbooks, million dollar inheritances, lurking evil witches.
You can have all these super powerful characters with crazy magical powers, and what do they fight over? Money. That's a great way to relate the fantastic with normal, everyday life.
I love, love, LOVE the title!! :) And your premise as well. My only suggestion would be like someone said above, to make your pitch more conversational. Otherwise, very good stuff!
I'm sorry you didn't make it into the agent round. Great premise and I wouldn't want to piss off those witches. I think the issue I had was the use of "powerful" too much. Keep pitching and get ready for Trick or Treat with agents starting Oct. 24.
Hey Barbara,
ReplyDeleteLoved the weird, black-and-white opening and your hook.... that's pretty good advice! Your premise was clear and I thought you had a great line when you asked, "Can a vampire teach a witch how to be a witch?" — that was my favourite part by far. What a strange scenario you've created for your MC! Congrats on your video pitch and good luck!
John Krissilas, #40
http://www.johnkrissilas.com/
I love the title! However, if you can edit this blog post you should make sure to put the name, the genre and the wordcount above the video because it's a requirement of the contest, and it would've helped me have a better frame of reference when the pitch started. Good luck! #26
ReplyDeleteFun pitch! My only critique is for you to make it more conversational--less like reading from notes. Good luck! #41
ReplyDeleteGotta love witches! Looks like a pretty interesting story--magic, spellbooks, million dollar inheritances, lurking evil witches.
ReplyDeleteYou can have all these super powerful characters with crazy magical powers, and what do they fight over? Money. That's a great way to relate the fantastic with normal, everyday life.
Good job!
Sounds like a fun story! Good luck! :D
ReplyDeleteAll the magical elements are very cool! Sounds like a neat book! Good luck :-)
ReplyDeleteCan I just say, I loved the cat meowing in the background as soon as you said the title? Awesome.
ReplyDeleteI love, love, LOVE the title!! :) And your premise as well. My only suggestion would be like someone said above, to make your pitch more conversational. Otherwise, very good stuff!
ReplyDeleteGreat title. Wishing you luck! #32
ReplyDeleteSounds like a fun witch story. Good Luck!
ReplyDeleteI love the title of your story. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWarring witch sisters is always interesting. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you didn't make it into the agent round. Great premise and I wouldn't want to piss off those witches. I think the issue I had was the use of "powerful" too much. Keep pitching and get ready for Trick or Treat with agents starting Oct. 24.
ReplyDelete